Can't we just spay the people?

About 3 yrs. ago, the shelter manager told me she was pregnant. She was out on maternity leave for 8 wks. Durng that time, I stepped in, with a coworker, and we handled it. Well, today I got the news...Wendy, the manager, is pregnant again. 3-4 mths along. She will be out for maternity leave sometime between May-July. This time though, we do not have an additional staff member to help cover the job. I am sure (thinking optomisticly here) that everyone will step up a bit and help, or that we will figure something out. If not.. I'm looking at working 7 days a week, and trying to not bash my head against the wall. LOL The rule at the shelter was that no one was allowed o get pregnant. Oh well. I feel kind of bad, cus Wendy was stressed about having to tell me, she thought I would freak out on her or something. I didn't really want her to think that, I just didn't really think that she would get pregnant again. I don't know why I thought that lol. Oh well, I will just deal with things as they come, instead of spending the next 5 months stressing over it.

Can't we just spay the people?

Finding the faith... maybe.

My family follows christianity loosely. I believe the story goes that we are baptist... however, when my mom and uncle were young, they both coverted to catholicism, just in time for first communion. That was just ducky until my mom was 20... and pregnant... and not married. I was born, she tried to have me christened, and the church told her no, that I was going to hell because I was a bastard child if she didn't get married to my father. Well, that was the end of being catholic. So then... there was simply no real talk of religion, or faith. Not until I was about 14-15 and my older cousin really started causing trouble. Then it was decided that She, Me, and our brothers had to go to church every week, and that we would be going to the baptist church down the street. I wanted to go to the catholic church, I had been there a few times with my friend, and didn't find it too bad. But no, I had to go to the baptist one. Meanwhile, I have still not been baptized, or confirmed, or anything like that. So the chuch thing lasted until I started working at the shelter. Without me or my cousin to bring the boys to church, they had to stop going, because they were too young to bring themselves, and the parental figures weren' bringing them usually. After that, my aunt joined a pentacostal church, where she was expected to go atleast 2x's a week, plus attend prayer groups and bible study classes. She and her son got baptized there, and then they stopped going. Even during the breif stints of attending service, we still never talked about it. So, I started wondering if and what I believe... and the answer was a resounding "I don't know". I thought maybe I didn't believe in God, but I feel like I believe atleast in the possibility. Athiests may not believe that God is real, but they do Believe that they do not Believe. If that make sense. They are sure of what they think, the way that a catholic is sure of heaven and confession. So, for a few years, I have been decidedly not praying, for what if there are multiple gods, like the greeks or indians thought. There are so many different things even amongst groups of people who believe in the christian God. I think I fanally realized though, that I don't have to pick. I can sort of pick and choose, and I think thats ok, as long as I stay on a fairly even keel. For instance, I don't think its appropriate to believe that you can commit all the wrongs you want, as long as you repent on your deathbed, just so you don't have to live morally. I do choose to believe that if you live well, you won't suffer in hell. I do not know if that means you go to heaven, or if it means you get to come back and live a better, easier life next time. But I think from now on I won't avoid thinking about it, out of fear.

Another Year, come and gone...

It's December 29th, 2004... a few days away from a brand new year. Another year past, another revolution around the sun... and what have I done? Nothing. Well, haha besides put on more weight, and get a few gray hairs... literally. I found some the other day... 3 of them that I can see. I'm 23. LOL In the face of the 3 gray hairs, I almost feel.. optimistic? I suddenly feel like... hmm, I could... I dunno... give life a shot! As in, actually try to do something with myself, instead of just waiting. Figure out a way to further my education, hopefully put some money away. Work on getting healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally. See what kind of improvements I can make in myself, in my life, in the world. A lot to do. Just thinking about it makes me want to groan, throw in the towel and put my head under the pillow. But thats not whatI really want to do.

Bah Humbug

It turns out that my family is not getting together for christmas. My mom is not coming down, my aunt is working. I am not driving up to my moms house, my car is being pesky. Now my plans are to go to work, and hang out there for a few hours, come back home, and go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow I might stop at the liquor store and pick up some mudslide mix, and make myself some frozen mudslides. LOL, oiy joy. I don't know that I will ever be part of a famiy again, as I seriously doubt I will ever end up married or having children. I will probably go over to my neighbors for dinner on Christmas, I don't know if I want to be pathetic and beg love from someone elses family, or be pathetic and spend the holiday completely alone with my cat. I will just have to see how I feel.

A lost chance

I do not know my father. I may have known him as a baby, but I am not even sure of that. I have no pictures, nothing of him, from him. I found out today, he has died recently. There is not even a funeral. I do not even know his last name. I often thought that maybe some day I would look for him, maybe meet him, but now, I have lost the chance. My aunt believes he died of cancer, and he had apparently been ill for a while. She said he had been living with "Donna", and that "RJ" wasn't even speaking to him any more. RJ is my older half brother, who I have never met. I only know one Donna, and I don't think he would have been staying with her. All my aunt said was that he had no funeral, and he didn't have anything, he was not a good person. What a thing to tell me huh? Now I don't know how to feel. I want some answers, but I don't want to actually ask. Is it better not to know?

haha

You Are "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer Had a very shifigerator the whole time. haha You Are "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer Had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, You would even say it glows. For you, Christmas is a mix of tradition and fun. You're not above strapping on a red blinking nose for a laugh. What Christmas Carol Are You? Wednesday, December 15, 2004 What kind of soul doyou have? You Are a Traveler Soul You're a thrill seeker who loves to be active and on the move You love to wander: between places, ideas, and people. A good communicator, you're a nonconformist and interested in the world. You are an explorer, a good storyteller, and a true dreamer. Because you're always on the move, you can be a bit fickle. It's difficult for you to make personal commitments. Don't be so quick to ignore emotional issues and problems. You're much more intuitive and psychic than you think. Souls you are most compatible with: Retrospective Soul and Dreaming Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? hmmm.. fitting What is Love quiz             megeth is love brought to you by the isLove Generator Umm... I don't get it. :-S Tuesday, December 07, 2004 I'm in Limbo The Dante's Inferno test said that I was in Limbo, if I where to go to hell right now. Limbo is the first level of hell, right below purgatory. The description of Limbo actually fit my life. The giant blank spot under one of the previous posts is an accident. I was typing, and got up and the pillow ended up resting on the return key... for about 5 minutes. I tried to fix it, but ended up not being able to remove the giant space, so there it will stay. Dante's Inferno The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level Score Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very High Level 2 (Lustful) Very Low Level 3 (Gluttonous) High Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very Low Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Low Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Low Level 7 (Violent) High Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Moderate Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Low Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test Saturday, November 20, 2004 I had a dream... Last night, I had a hard dream. I dreamt that Cubby had been reincarnated, as himself. It was 26 mths after I lost him (which it actually is), and he was back, even looked the same. I knew it was him, he knew who I was... and once again, I lost him. I tried to save him, but failed him for the second time. As we were in the vets office, even as he lay dying in my arms, I was torn between crying and not being able to cry. I kept telling him that I am so sorry, and begging him to forgive me for not only failing him the first time, but for failing him the second time also. I promised that if he made his wa back to me one more time, I would try even harder and that I would find some way to save him the third time. I felt so guilty, having to put him through that again. After he died, I cried so hard, had this feeling that I am a horrible person for failing to save him again. And now I have spent the day longing for him, craving him. I close my eyes and can almost feel him sitting with me, me plucking the under coat, jogging along behind him on the bike path. I miss him. I like to tell myself, that as the song goes "we will meet again some day, and if not here, than somewhere up above", but some times its really hard to find hope in that. What if I never find him again? Or what if I find him, and get stuck with the same problem. What if I make the same decision? Time has eased the day to day, moment to moment pain, dulled the edge, but I'm scared I will feel like this forever. I don't know what to do, all I know is that I miss him, and there is no way to turn back the clock, get him back, fix what I did. The guilt is so bad tonight, I just don't know how to ease it, or make it better. What did I do? I think this is the first time I'v honestly asked myself that question. I spent the last two years trying not to regret my decision, so although I thought of it, I never really allowed it in. But really, what did I do? Death is so final, so permanent, there is no way to fix it.. even if we may meet again, those are odds even an addicted gambler would avoid. Oh jeepers. Monday, November 08, 2004 I dreamed a thousand new paths; I woke to walk my old one Th title is something that someone on my buddy list has changed there name to. Interesting. This has really nothing to do with that, although, I could ramble on for some time about what that means to me. Instead, I want to talk about a dog... Shocking isn't it? This dog,Iris, is a hound. Walker hound or fox hound or some combination of similar hounds, she is tri-color and about 50 lbs. Basicaly like a beagle on stilts. Iris is sweet, good with other dogs,and somewhere inside is happy and playful. On the outside, she is timid and withdrawn. Sometimes that happy����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� I dreamed a thousand new paths; I woke to walk my old one Th title is something that someone on my buddy list has changed there name to. Interesting. This has really nothing to do with that, although, I could ramble on for some time about what that means to me. Instead, I want to talk about a dog... Shocking isn't it? This dog,Iris, is a hound. Walker hound or fox hound or some combination of similar hounds, she is tri-color and about 50 lbs. Basicaly like a beagle on stilts. Iris is sweet, good with other dogs,and somewhere inside is happy and playful. On the outside, she is timid and withdrawn. Sometimes that happy silly side appears, but ever so fleetingly. She has been at the shelter since June. She is improving, although, very very slowly. I was thinking of maybe trying to foster her for a little while. If I brought her home every night, she would be getting handled alot more, probably learn to relax in a car, and we could find out how she acts in a house. We are not sure if she was ever allowed to be a house dog before. I would also be able to teach her about behaving in a house, and find ot how she is with cats. I don't know though. First, I would have to talk to my landlady's, as I agree'd no dogs when I moved in. I don't know what they would say. Although, I would definaty make the stipulation that I am not keeping her, and that if she were disruptive or causing trouble, I wouldn't foster her any more. Then, I would have to discuss it with my boss's. I think Wendy would automaticaly frown on the idea, worried about me doing too much, and becoming attatched. And there is the fact tha she is a lot of work to consider, and that my appartment is tiny, and where would I put a crate for her? Plus, my cat will hate her, no matter how nice she is. But anyway, I'm toying with the idea. Saturday, October 23, 2004 a new template, and some quizzes You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time alone but do like other people's company sometimes. You just need your space. You have a few priviledged friends who saw past your colder exterior to find the true you. You can have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to admit it) so you could be soft one second then storming around the next! But over all, you're a very pleasant person once people take the time to get to know you. You're a good friend for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when it comes to creative things.(If you can't see tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the bottom and find your result) What season are you? (pics) brought to you by Quizilla src="http:/ You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining ones wearing white and the idea that they have wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are the ones that many people think are dead loved ones who try to protect the living friends or family they have on Earth. They usually had blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless appearance and sweet dispositions. They were cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind. Angels are the one mystical creature that a majority of people truly believe in. Encounters with angels are poping up all over the world and reassuring people's beliefs in angels. (If you cannot see the picture, go to my userpage and look near the bottom. There should be the picture and description for all the results) What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures) brought to you by Quizilla Stuff Yesterday, I got home, and about 3 hours later, I had 2 flat tires... like, not a bit flat... we're talking the rims touching the ground totally flat. I had to have both tires replaced this mornin. My boss had taken this little westie puppy that came into the shelter with a major heart problem. He died on sunday night. Dory, aka Angus was only about 6-7 mths old. We have an upper respitory infection going around the shelter, most of the cats are sneezing. 2 of them are really quite sickly. One adult female, Casey, and one 7 wk old male, Thurgood. They both need sub-Q fluids 2 times a day, and medication. Yesterday, we had to resort to force feeding Casey. Today, she ate on her own for the first time in almost a week. My great aunt is dying of colon cancer. I haven't seen her since July of 2003. She only has a few weeks left to live... she ordered that they take out the IV today. She doesn't want to prolong things. I don't know yet whether or not I'm going to go see her. My apartment is cold, colder than the rest of the house.. I think there is something wrong with the heat, but I don't want to mentionanyhing yet until I have had a chance to really clean things up. My keyboard is hard to use. I have to hit the keys hard, like over pronunciating every word. If I try to type too quickly, and don't press hard enough, the letters don't come up. Maybe its time to get a new keyboard. I am lonely. Thursday, September 23, 2004 To Tammy, regarding "Sandiegozu" Ok, this is to Tammy who emailed regarding a book I have listed as one of my favorites. I tried to e-mail you, but the email address came back as noreply@ blogger, so, figured this would be the best way to get in touch. I tried looking up info on the book, only to discover that you really can't find anything on it. LOL, Ok, so my next step is to look through my book shelves ( I have 3 that are in complete shambles) until I stumble across it, and then I will put the other information on the book up here, such as author, publisher, copy right date, etc. The other thing is that I'm not sure I spelled the title correctly, and, the title was not done in normal fonts, instead, had been done with the dots and lines and such that you find over some of the characters in the character map on the computer. That could be why its so hard to find information on it. Anyway, just wanted to give you an update that I will look for the book and then get back to you, and if you want me to email you directly, please just send a comment through with your e-mail address on it. Thursday, September 16, 2004 Everyone has an inner light... it is your job to find it... I changed the screen saver on the shelter computer tonight after everyone left, so when they come in tomorrow... haha, its now light blue, with purple text that says "Everyone has an inner light, it is your job to find it". Hahahahahahahahahaha. Ok, not that that isn't true, but being a shelter worker is a bitter bitter job, and we tend to hate people, and its so easy to get caught up in the hating of people and the loving of animals and blame just assume the majority of the people are either asses, or are idiots. Or, our favorite... a combination of both. So this is a happy thought, one we need to think more often. When I started working at the shelter I was a nice person. Hell, even 2-3 yrs ago, I was a nice person. But, the longer your in this field, the meaner and more bitter you get. I can see the change in me, and I don't like it. So I try to adjust it just a little, to remember some of that hope that I had that allowed me to argue the case of someone who might just need a little understanding, instead of our judgement. It's hard though, with so much built up hostility. Oh well. Today is the 2nd anniversary of loosing Cubby. Although, I don't think that anniversary is the right word. Technically, it is correct, however, anniversary sort of has a happy connotation to it. Oh well. I had a dream last night that a long lost friend commited suicide. I was very sad, because I was trying to reconnect with him. I could have had this dream because this is the 2nd anniversary of Cubby's death, and also, just after the 2nd anniversary of a long lost friend who did commit suicide. And yet, I feel I should call someone who might still know him and just check in. Hmm.. I actually think I will do that now... My landlady who reads tarot cards had given me a reading before.. and she said that often, when you dream of someone who has died, its because they have come to you. So I have to double check... just so I can sleep easier. I dreamt of the same person the night before as well, which is unusual because I have never dreamt of him before, or atleast, not that I can remember. Ok, going now to ease my mind. Wednesday, August 18, 2004 Tired... oh so very tired Hmmmm, Blogger has made some more changes... Interesting.. I think I like. Anyway, Ugh, I'm tired. And tense. I can feel it all through my arms and legs and neck and back, that tiredness you get not from being physically tired, but just from lack of sleep and stress and being worn thin. I have a pair of kittens that I am bottle feeding, and I think one of them has suddenly taken a turn for the worse. S-he (not sure which yet) has become ultra lethargic and won't eat. Poor lil diddly dot... doesn't even have ears or eyes open yet... just lost the umbilical cord remnant this morning. And usually, when so tiny, there is nothing that you can really do. Just hope for the best. And, I'v been a fool, and my internet service, my phone, and my credit card are all currently cancelled. They will be turned back on in relatively short order, but I don't know if that means a a few days, a week, a month, or what. Oh well, my own doing. But they will be back again soon. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Would you be willing to adopt your next pet or child, rather than buying (pet) or having one biologically? About Me Meg United States I try to take things in stride... life is easier if you don't fight it too hard. By reading my blog, you won't really believe that.. but this is more of the inside, rather than the outside. 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