Rahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I? I am me, thats all I can be I guess. Arg, Grrrrrrrrrrr blah... nothing to anyone, sometihng to someone? Not loved enough, needed too much and not enough at the same time. I'm a Libra, supposed to be balanced.... instead of everything in the middle though, I am everthing on both extremes.... so when I pit my self against myself, its a fair fight I guess. and I come out in the middle. But I don't think thats how its supposed to be. To find balance by hainvg and keep ing both extremes is the hard way of going about it I guess. I guess I like to do things, alearn things the hard way... Then again, doesn't everyone my age? I constantly be sorry, and say it over and over, and yet to be too proud to say when I need to. To always be in need of help, and too proud to admit it. To find happiness in sadness, and sadness in hapiness. To laugh so hard that the tears begin to roll, and to end up bawlling my eyes out because of it. To be jealous and envious, and confused, to know all the answers for everone lese, and to know none of them for myself. To find everyone worhty, except for myself. To give and give, and yet be selfish. Who am I? What am I? Confused, baffled, dazed, dry, smart, sensible, irrational, confusing, unintelligent. I am all of the above, and everything else. I am me.

There is never a dull moment sometimes it seems. Be careful what you wish for, what you want, because you might just get it. "Do you know what happened to the little boy who got everything he wanted? No... what? He lived happily ever after" It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, won't you be mine. "Hello, Butler, I think I have a new admission for you, could you p[lease send the men with the little white coats?" What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. God never gives us more than we can handle. I think I can I think I can I think I can.

I'm going to Oregon... I'M GOING TO OREGON.... I'M GOING TO OREGON!!!!!! Woohoo! Yeah, I decided I really will go after all, specially since the crazy people aren't all going, only one of them, who I really don't mind being with, cus she isn't as crazy as the rest of them. Wooooottt!!! in the words of the marvy Jenners. I wasn't really sure I would go, actually I thought for sure that I wouldn't go, but then I changed my mind. Now I'm totally stoked. Yeah baby.

It's strange to me that I have to have some very tangible motivation to go to the gym and eat well and such. Blah, its annoying, its easy enough when the motivation is there, but when the motivation isn't... its impoosible.
Keeper of the gates of wisdom
Please let me in
Cus I just can't go through
Another heart ache again...
He was my strongest weakness,
I surrenedered heart and soul...
It's gonna be a long long time
till I regain control
I'm still a prisoner
Held captive by his memory
He was my strongest weakness
And I'm afraid he'll always be
....Now he's gone and life goes on..
And if this pain will ever end..
Will I be afraid, to risk it all
And ever love one again.... -Wynonna Judd-
Ok stupid of me to think things about a dog I know, but its true. I can't bring myself to get attached to another animal. I like them all, sure I do, but I don't have a particular fondness for any of them at the shelter. And I havven't since I lost Cubby. Because, quite frankly, I can't afford too. I don't want to be in that much pain ever again. And the only way to really avoid it is to not let any of them get to me. Instead I feel myself drawn to one of the horses at the farm, for no reason that I can fathom. I don't know any more, not that I ever did. I thought that someday I would.. that I would be able to change my addy because I wouldn't be so confusded any more, but I'v come to realize that I will always be lost and confused. I will never know all the answers, as much as I want to.