*Sings* Show me the way to go home.... I'm tired and I wanna go to bed... Had a little drink about and hour ago, and it went straight to my head... Where ever I may roam.. by land or sea or foam (?) , You'll always hear me singing a song... Show me the way to go home...

Hahaha. Ok, so there is a sort of scary cat at work. She is only scary because she is a little spazzy, and about 3 months ago, she randomly freaked out and attacked my hand... and then did it again about 3 hours later when I went back in her cage to prove that it was a fluke. D'oh! Lol, I will just say that catbites suck. Anyway, today the manager decided we could put her upfront, in the adoption cages, once we gave her her distemper shot. So we were talking about our plan to give her the shot, who would hold her, which vaccine we'd use and such, and somehow Wendy, the manager, ended up saying, "I'm not holding her, she's all yours. Patches is your cat" We had been laughing sort of but I told her straight out not to say that any more, and that I would quit the next time I heard that an animal was mine. Lol.
I told her that if anyone, ever again told me an animal was mine, I would walk out the door and never look back because I couldn't go through that again. I think she was a little suprised that I turned on her so quickly. I mean, I didn't go all scary and yelling or anything, I was still chuckling (atleast I hope it wasn't all scary and whatnot) but I wanted her to understand how serious I was. I think I got the point across, because she didn't say it again. LOL. The real test will be if she shares this warning with anyone else in the shelter. Oiy. And she threatened to hunt me down and drag me back if I walked out. Lol. I love feeling that loved and needed. Reminds me that while I am not indespensible, I am difficult to replace, and they would rather not have too. Ahhh such a warm fuzzy feeling. LOL, ok so its certifiable that I am clinical nutso, but too damned bad. Alrighty off I go to go get ready to take my brother to the movies.. such an exciting life I lead.. what a Saturday night.

The girl walks up to the shelter, covered in snow, the water has begun to seap through her combat boots and her socks, and her two paris of pants. She stops half way across the parking lot, and looks at the sky, not ready to face the looks she will recieve from the people in the building. Not ready to appear ok yet. She takes a moment, and goes over to the fence where there are three dogs playing together in the yard. The girl sticks her arm through the fence, and pets the dogs, a pair of brothers on their last morning together, and a long term resident of the shelter whose time is running out. Finally she decides she is ready to go inside. Approaching the door, she takes her hair down and shakes out the snow. She puts her gloves in her pockets, and dusts all of the snow and ice off of her jacket and boots. She paints on a smile and opens the door.
"Hello," she says to the manager who peeks up from the computer.
"Wow, Megen is like the postal service, not rain or sleet, or snow or sun, or even a busted car on her day off will stop her from showing up," the manager says with a grin.
Megen, the girl, chuckles and shrugs off her backpack and walkman in the next room.
"So," Megen inquires jokingly,"I want to know who won the pool and how much it was on how long it was going to take me before I started coming in regularly on my days off again".
They all just sort of laugh a little and don't respond. Megen decides not to mention how empty the bike path would be and how beautiful her long gone dog would look with the snow. The other people might not understand, and she doesn't want them to know how much she still hurts. Instead she makes up some excuse about having a broken car and having to go the gym, and how the shelter being so close is the next logical step, because the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. She thinks she might take a dog for a walk on the bike path, but her legs are tired, and she might have a 3 mile walk ahead of her still, and she just doesn't feel up to spending time with another dog today. She wants her dog. The dog she lost. The dog she decided not to save 2 months ago. Instead she makes herself busy trying to help a cat that needs some extra attention....

Ok, so that was yesterday. I missed him so much, the bike path would have been empty. I could have attached him to the 30ft. training lead, and jogged along after him. He would have been beautiful in the falling snow. And I wanted to say something to them, the other people at the shelter, about my pain, because thats what you do with friends. You tell them when your hurting. And thats how I think of the people I work with. I love them a bunch. But I couldn't share my pain. Never let the enemy know when you are wounded. And in this matter, unfortunatly, they seem to have to assume the position of the enemy.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this pain will end at some point. I won't miss him so much anymore. Another animal will take his place. And yet I don't want to let it go... blah

Wow, Today was Thanksgiving. It was the best Thanksgiving I can ever remember having. The only one ever where I didn't feel like something was seriously missing. It was nice.

Woohoo! It snowed. We actually even got some. I didn't think we would when they kept saying it was going to snow.. I mean last year, they kept saying it was going to snow... and it would.. in CT. We never got more than a dusting that would dissappear later that same day. Today we had 1-3 inches I would guess.

So, today, I realized something. I think I realized it anyway, and if I didn't, I'v atleast started to. I can only be me. I can't be anyone else. And while there are some things about me that I may not like, and may not be able to change, I can, and am allowed to change some things that I may not like and that are changeable. I am a work in progress. And anyone who doesn't like that, well I'm sorry I didn't conform to what they wanted, but I can't make everyone happy all the time. And someone once told me, I had to love all people in order to love anyone, and in order to love all people, I had to love myself. Now this is all stuff I have probably been fed my entire life... but only now am I starting to take it to heart, and be able to accept it as truth. Pretty heady stuff man. Lol I was at the gym doing my workout when all of this dawned on me... I just sort of stopped and stood there for a moment going "Woah...". Rofl. So I may not be my own biggest fan at this point, but I am making progress. :-)

*Sings* Sleigh bells riiiiiiiiiinnnng, are ya listn'n, in the laaaaaaaaaannnnne snow is glistn'n

Ok so I am so ready for it to be all Christmassy. Like, I wanted Christmas carols on the radio the day before Halloween. Normally I am not one to be all over zealous about the holiday season. Not that I am a grinch or a scrouge, just sort of average probably. But this past year has been so very.... errr.. interesting, that by golly I am ready for that warm cozy fuzziness that is supposed to come with the holiday season. So who is with me? Lol, And its coming up fast folks, Thanksgiving is falling so late this year, we have less time than usual between Thanksgiving and Christmas. *Runs about spreading love and good cheer and all that rot* Lol