Its world HIV/AIDS week. All y'all should get tested, be safe, and donate blood!
I go to donate on 12/18... who's with me?

An example of a time when I might want to strangle my brother.
I ask him straight up what he wants for christmas, and what mom and mom's b/f want for christmas. He tells me he just wants cd's and then he tells me he has a list and then he says bye and leaves. D'oh. How am I supposed to know which cd's? I only see him maybe once a month.
Ok and apparently my aunt just thinks she's really funny with the whole making a cd and putting "Adidas" on it and then telling me that she dedicates that song to me and whatnot. It seems I am the family "good child" and completely and totally asexual. Now granted this is entirely my fault. I have never owned a poster of a cute guy, or came home gushing over someone, or even been over heard talking about how cute someone is or whatever it is that *normal* girls do to let their family know they are "guy crazy*. I was always far too conservative and self conscious to do any of that. I just sort of slipped the other night and said something about the guy who works at the gas station. Both my brother and my little cousin start cackling and tell me exactly what I have heard before. "Noone thinks of you like that or thinks that you think like that, because your just not like that... not the dating type" Evil little fuckers I hope they both have to have a catheter inserted by some big scary guy in the ER sometime. >:-P Confounded! Rofl no wonder my mom kept hinting at me to come out of the closet and my older cousin told my mom,aunt, a few of her friends, and lord only knows who else that I was an item with one of the girls at work. Jeepers. I should go out and sleep with every guy I can convince to sleep with me, and be loud and public about it, just to show them all. *laughs evilly* Ok so there are a few problems with that plan. 1. They wouldn't sleep with me 2. I would have actually talk to them first. 3. Ee Gads diseases and pregnancy. I swear my family is far too fertile and we should all be sterilized. 4. I am working on liking myself, and I wouldn't like myself if I thought I was a tramp.
Lol It always seems that the rules either shouldn't apply to me at all, or apply to me only. I don't/wouldn't like myself for doing certain things, however, other people can do them, and I still like and don't judge those people. If I am a work in progress, and all artists are their own hardest critics, and I am my own hardest critic, does that mean I am a peice of art??? hahaha alright I will stop entertaining myself now. blah

Its snowing like crazy outside. We were originally supposed to get 3-6 inches... now they are talking 4-9. Closed early.. like 2 instead of 6 early at work per order of the exec. director. Gotta love that man sometimes. lol. So I was leaving work to check and see if the gym was open (it wasn't because they close from 1-3) and I went to turn around. As I go to pull back onto the road I begin fishtailing. It was in slow motion it seemed... I'm just like oh la de da no big deal lol and then once I stopped fishtailing I was like oh shit I could have gone into a spin and hit the other cars and killed myself and all of them. OIY. Anyway, didn't scare me off the roads though. Went to the store and then back to the gym. Woohoo I won the oatmeal colored fleece hooded jacket. OHhh its so very nice and fleecy and hoody. I love it. I came home and was laying down. I fell asleep and woke up and still didn't know I had fallen asleep. Lol. I slept for like 30 mins. I only realized I had fallen asleep when I looked and saw my cat was next to me asleep instead of laying on my stomach where he had been. And then I looked at my stereo and saw that it was on song 12, instead of on song 3 as it had been. I was like, oh I must have fallen asleep... I didn't even have that woke up from an unplanned nap feeling. I would like to spend the rest of the winter in bed.. no one would mind right? Haha, I was thinking of taking a few days off after christmas.. Maybe going to my moms house for a while. Then I thought, I could just not tell the people I live with that I took time out of work, and just not come out of my room for like a week... they would never notice. Ah the sweet sweet world of delusions.

Hmmm. Maybe I really am supposed to live in Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Montana, Colorado, Oregon, Washington, Alaska... Lol. I am not all eskimoy and loving the snow and whatnot and not able to stay out of it, however, I love snuggling up in things that are all warm and snuggly. Like... fleece and flannel and sweatshirts. For the last week/month, I have no concept of time, I have been bundled up like an eskimo. Lol. Two pairs of pants, atleast 2-3 shirts.. its great. The other night I fell asleep in my work out pants, with a pair of jeans over them, a turtle neck, a t-shirt, and a sweatshirt. Granted, thats not what I meant to sleep in, but I am regressing out of happyville, and part of that is sleeping in my work clothes it would seem. Anyway, I also do get a kick out of the snow, and how beautiful the sky is on a crisp cool night. The stars are never quite as pretty when its warm out. And who doesn't like to have an 80lb dog that is covered in hair to make a polarbear jealous on their bed? Thats where the expression its a 7 dog night came from. Or atleast supposedly. On nights when it was too cold, the eskimos would bring dogs into the igloo to add body heat. The colder it was outside, the more dogs they would bring inside. Granted that could be a complete lie, as I tend to live in a land of delusion... and sometimes, actually can't remember what was real and what I or someone else made up. Ee Gads I'm one scary chicka. Maybe its time for some prozac and a trip to butler. Oiy lol

Raaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Aaarrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Its my day off. I am torn. I lack motivation to do anything. I have a few things that need to be done. Wrapping gifts, laundry, more christmas shopping, the dishes, clean my car... And I want to go and get these things done. On the other hand, I want to go in my room, turn on the radio, and lay there and read all day long. Not get up. Until tomorrow when I have to go to work. Its a gym day, but I am two sore from the last two days to go today. So I plan on going tomorrow. Means I could even go to the shelter and walk a dog. Its nice enough out. But hiding in my room until tomorrow is the closest that I can get to curling up in dark cave and never coming out. I also want to eat every peice of food in the house, and don't want to eat anything at all. Lori Morgan (country singer) did a song about being confused. I can't bring up any of the words at the moment, or the tune, or even what the basic gist of the song was... but I can't help but think it should be my theme song. LOL I am a libra. Which is the scales. Which means that I am supposed to be balanced. So that 2+2=4 and the left is equal to the right, and so on and so forth. If you put a marble on one side, you need to put one on the other. Anyway, If you take my basic average on everything, I believe that I do come out in the middle. However, as we all learned, there are multiple ways to take an average. There is both a mean average and a mode average and a median average. I think there are a few others but I don't remember at the moment. With one of them, you add all the numbers and divide by how many. What ever number comes up is the average. With another one, you simply take the highest and lowest numbers and add them together and divide by 2. With the median, you line all the numbers up in a row, and then which ever one is dead center is your average. Well, If I am average, I must be the one where you only take the two extremes and divide by 2. I am never a little of this and a little of that. I want to be miss social butterfly and I want to be a complete and total hermit. I can be so optomistic, finding the good side of nearly every situation, and laughing everything off, no stress here, and then there are times when someone says boo and I am ready to kill myself and everyone along with me. LOL I am fucking bipolar without being bipolar! Woohoo smashing pumpkins. Favorite smashing pumpkins lines "I'm in love with my sadness", "Emptiness is loneliness, loneliness is cleanliness, cleanliness is Godlyness, AND GOD IS EMPTY!", oh and the wonderful "love is suicide". LOL *makes the evil Critters hiding under the lamp shade noise*

Sometimes, I don't know whether to hug my 12 yr old brother, or strangle him. Lol, The other night I took him to go see 8 Crazy Nights , which was better than I thought it would be. Anyway, he has been really supportive of me and going to the gym and whatnot. Which is really cool. So he is sitting there with a bag of popcorn and offers me some. I tell him no thanks. He asks if I really don't want any or if I just can't have any. Lol so I tell him that I can have some if I want to, but that I want to be beautiful more than I want popcorn hahaha. And he just looks at me and no shit sherlock I swear he goes, "Its hard to improve on perfection you know". I didn't say anything for like 2 minutes and then I just go "aaawwwwww yer so nice sometimes!" At which point he laughs and goes "Took you long enough to get it didn't it?" Isn't he nice? If I could just convince him to stop calling me a hooker and a whore and trying to beat me up we'd be all set. Its funny when I think about how when he was 6 yrs old or so, it took me two weeks to teach him to say something other than "oh" when I would say I love you. It started as a homework assignment for Health class. We were to tell someone in our family that we hadn't told in a while that we loved them. I realized I never told/tell anyone that I love them. So I figured it would be easiest with my little brother. Well he just looked at me and said "oh" and walked away. LOL Oiy, the crazy and yet mundane lives we lead.