Tonight, I miss you.

Incubus has this song, "You've only been gone 10 days, ... I miss you". I can't remember any more of it, or even the exact way that line goes, but I can hear the "I miss you" in my head, over and over. I don't miss you often, not any more, but last night, and today, I do. I want to tell you that I don't hate you. Do you remember the first time I told you that? That was the real beginning. That was when I put myself out there and let you know that you could lean on me. I'm tempted to tell you one more time, to see what would happen. I know though that there is no good outcome if I do that. I won't be happy with anything you say. Even though I know that, I still miss you tonight. I wish I was talking to you. I wish I could conjure your arms around me, I wish I could hear your voice in my head. Before, If I missed you, I could conjure you up, and pull myself through until the next time. But I'v lost the ability to pull you up in my mind, to hear your voice, to feel your touch. Too much time has gone by, you made too many bad decisions, and I did my best to block you from my heart, my head, my thoughts and feelings. But tonight, I miss you. I don't want to miss you. I don't hate you, I want you to live happily ever after, I don't want you to break Jen or Sarah's heart any more either. I want to tell you I don't hate you, but I also want to tell you to stop being an idiot. Stop being a "Stupid Boy". I don't dare talk to you because I know you are still being a "stupid boy", and I know that if you were to be a stupid boy to me, I would get sucked in as if I dove into quick sand. But tonight, I miss you.