Tada! Looky at what I found. Heehee, still the same old me apparently, I actually thought it would be different, as I can't remember any of the answers from last year. Lol. Oiy, I need a life.




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Ok, so its not my favorite quiz ever, but oh well. Lol I think I still have the new years resolution saved somewhere.. maybe its just about time for me to take that one again, wonder if it will be any different this time around. Oiy. Ok, so we have all heard that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree right? Which basically means that if the kid is a jerk, the parents are jerks too. And we all know that many things are are hereditary, such as looks and diseases and such. Alcoholism is one of the many things that they say is somewhat hereditary. Meaning that there may not be an actual genetic code that produces an alcoholic, but that if your parent (s) are, than you probably have an addictive personality, and therefore should be more wary about abusing substances yourself.
I never heard anything about work-a-holics though. I mean, I have spent my life being wary of drugs, cigaretts, alcohol, and unplanned children, because I know my mom had had a problem with all of the atleast at one point in her life, which is part of the reason that she is/was not happy. I never realized though that I would pick up my family's working habits. Falling for a job that you like, but where you work yourself to the bone, deal with other people's bullshit (but then again what job doesn't have that), and make piss poor money/benefits. *shrugs* I like to think that I will not be a work-a-holic if I have something else to focus on. I remember when I was literally living for work. I mean, honestly, thats what made me stay in RI, and thats what helped keep me alive when I finally lost all logic and began to wonder exaclty when I would stop caring completely. After all, I couldn't leave them stranded at work could I? Its scary to think of how bad it can get/ has gotten/ could get again.
You know how to tell a person who is/has been suicidal, from a person who never has been? Its easy. A person who has never been there asks why a suicidal person doesn't just ask for help. Because, you know, its that easy, all you have to do is ask. They don't know that to ask for help is impossible. Or that you will feel cheated somehow if you are "fixed" with medication. For some people medication is great. My mom is always on meds. There are times when she even is taking like 3 times the normal dose to get through. She knows that this is the only way, because she does have a clear chemical imbalance. Thats a terrifying thing, hearing your mother, the only one who makes it safe to come home, say that she just wants to shoot herself in the head. Its mighty scary when the "grown ups" loose control. I was about 15 when I heard her say that. I was in my room, and she was just outside the door, which was nothing more than a blanket. She either didn't know I was there, or thought I was sleeping. Either way, I just layed there and cried silently. I waited another hour before I dared to leave my room, so that she never knew I had heard.

I wish I could just take all of the pain in the world, and stick it in a bottle, and swallow it whole. Let no one hurt any more, no one be sad, and no one be suicidal. I want to be SuperMeg *strikes the up up and away pose*, and save them all. Will I ever stop wanting to save them all? No, probably not. It has taken me a long time to realize that I can't, and to possibly come to terms with it. Lol although sometimes when I am not paying attention, it comes around and bites me in the ass again. Makes me feel jaded though. I wonder what happened to the person who would cry every time anyone else cried. Now sometimes I have to work just to get tears to come. Much more of an angry cry now. Instead of a sad, broken hearted crying. Blah.


Which Buffy Alter Ego Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*Sings* This is not for real, afraid to feel, I just hit the floor don't ask for more, I'm wasting my time....Just take it all again...

AAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!. Lol, I think. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr aarrrrgggh.

*sings*I'm only happy when it rains, why does it feel so good to feel so bad, I'm only happy when it rains

Ok, I'm done

Alright, so I made what I would consider a huge stride in my grieving for my dog today. Some people may think it is simply a step in regression, but bah.
Ok so anyway, with the large step. I went to the shelter, ( I know it was my day off, but it was far too nice out and I couldn't have taken this step on a day I was working) and took a dog out for a walk. Its the first time since Cubby was euthanized that I have voluntarily taken a dog out. And you know what? It felt good. The dog was well behaved, better than he is at the shelter, and I got to learn a little about the dog, and sort of felt like I was honoring my Cubby dog by not turning a cold shoulder on the rest of the dogs who may just need some tlc while at the shelter. No one can ever tell me that shelter animals are actually unloved. I love all of them.

Oh yeah, the tastes like chicken thing is probably because I gave like 3 answers to each questions... Woohoo and it let me!!!!!!! Perfect for girl who is all over the place. LOL. I only gave answers that fit, its not my fault that they had multiple ones that worked. Ok so heres the last one for today.

What Pattern Are You?

Plaid huh? Interesting..... although I like what it says. Good enough. Adios

Hmmm... Tastes like Chicken. Am I chicken? Am I a frog? Am I human? All unfamiliar meats taste like chicken, and that's what I am, an unfamiliar meat. What Flavour Are You?

hehehe, I vaguely think I took this one before, and got the same answer. *EG* Maybe not great, but any answer has to be better than the answer of cold fish I got on another test. Oiy. I need a life. LOL

Who's your daddy?? Find out @ blackhole


ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Far far from what I was expecting. Oiy. Does this mean I somewhat resemble Lisa? Good golly gosh I guess I hope so when the options are considered. Well lets see, I have similar crazy hair sticking out all over the place, and I used to play the saxaphone, and I did pretty well in school. Oh deary. Lol.

Ok, how many people dream about work....... regularly??? Come on now, raise your hands. Like dream about work regularly enough, and the dreams are real enough, that when you wake up you are truly confused as to whether parts of the dream were real or not? This seems to be an ongoing issue for me. I dreamt last night that I was supposed to work today, and that I had forgotten. And then there were things that were very real about the dream, as in stuff that carried over from yesterday. (only natural I suppose, but still!) So when I did wake up I was like, Oh shit! am I supposed to work today? I sat there for a minute trying to untangle my pajamas from my blankets and sheets, and figured out that I was almost positive that I really did have the day off. The longer I am awake, the more rational reasons I have to support my conclusions. Lol. Like I didn't think I had to work today last night. I didn't think I had to work today until I had already woken up once about an hour before I actually got up. I didn't think I had to work around 7 am. However, when my little cus came and woke me for a ride to school, thats when I thought I had to work. Sleep is supposed to be an escape, the time when you don't have to worry about work, or whatever it is that wears you down right? So what the hell am I doing interrupting my only time that I ever get to stop thinking about the shelter by dreaming about it? I mean, I could give you a few things that I would much rather dream about, tyvm. Oh well, as usual I just don't know. Blah.

Arg, you know whats annoying? I left the book I am reading at work. Now, I have nothing to read when I go to bed. Well besides the 10 other books I have laying around waiting to be read, but thats not the point. I don't want to start another book until I have finished the other one. It just gets confusing when your reading 2 or 3 different books lol. Plus then I can never decide from night to night which one I want to read. Blah maybe I should just find something better to do than read huh? HA! I didn't say that it was my evil twin really. My legs hurt, I sort of hauled ass on my walk. I need new shoes to go walking in, because mine aren't all that great, and are more skater style than athletic style. There is a big difference in how the inside of a skater shoe and an athletic shoe are made. I just am not always good at buying myself stufff and so haven't bought an extra pair of sneakers yet. Lol. Dude!
When I went to visit my mom last week, I was wearing a pair of my designated "work" jeans. Which means that they are a bit old, and I don't mind too much if they get completely ruined. Well anyway, these jeans were too big for me, like held up by a belt too big. So the next morning my mom asks me when I am leaving for home. I tell her I'm not sure yet. So she's all like, ok well as long as its later so that we can go and get you some pants that fit. She bought me 3 new pairs of jeans! Woohoo go mom. Lol. Anyway, I was stoked and just had to share that.
Heres a band to think about... Big headed todd and the monsters... they are interesting, in a good sorta way. Peace out G.