Happy Holidays, or Bah Humbug?

I don't know why, this year it just doesn't feel very christmasy. I mean, I'v been Christmas shopping and everything, listened to Christmas music on the radio... I'm just amazed that its coming up so fast, a week away. It doesn't feel like it this year. Maybe this is how Christmas feels when you live alone? I have a little mini tree, about a foot tall, with two ornaments on it. Thats my only decoration in my apartment. At work, we wanted to have little stockings for everyone, and just have everyone put something little in them. Somehow, even that has not gotten rolling yet. We've even had snow and everything this year so far... something just seems to be missing.
On another note,
Yesterday at work, this cute little chow mix, Butch, was adopted. I gave the person adopting him as much information as I could. When they left, I worried, and hoped that Butch would be alright, and live happily ever after. I was the only one at the shelter. After a few minutes of worrying, and finishing up the paperwork, I became sad... the sadness then snowballed quickly to me standing there sobbing. I just had a meltdown. Butch had been at our shelter since the middle of July. We got him from another shelter, where he had been atleast since last Christmas. Butch turned a year old in September, and had spent 3/4 of his life as we know in an animal shelter. Anyway, while he was at our shelter, for 5 months, I didn't spend an outrageous amount of time with him. I took him for one walk, taught him "leave it", but that was all the real special attention he got from me. He was/is a real sweety, very affectionate, loves to give kisses. But, we see a lot of dogs like that. Its been a long time since I'v cried when an animal gets adopted. Part of it was that I was trying to use him to replace Cubby. I was being careful not to spend extra time with him, not to give him preferential treatment to all the other dogs. It wasn't only his adoption that had me crying, I know that... It just suprised me. It made me wonder how much longer I can keep doing this for. I've been there for 6 yrs now. I don't know how people can do it for 20 years... how do you make yourself forget all of those animals? After 6 years, I've seen between 1400-2000 animals go through our shelter. I don't know, things just got to me last night, between the shelter and everything else. Oiy.

Only the lonely can play...

I miss people. Specific people. I miss animals, or.. maybe I just miss missing them. But I do really miss people. What we had, what we would have had, if I hadn't pulled away. I want back the people I have lost, and all the good that went with them. I have a lot of work to do before I will be able to stop forcing people out of my life.