How I wish, how I wish you were here...

A few weeks ago, there was a telethon for the Tsunami victims. Before the concert started, I dozed off, and dozed through most of it. During that nap, I had a dream, that I was napping during the telethon, and woke up when I heard "Wish you were here" from Pink Floyd, but the song was performed by Ben Affleck, and Pamela Anderson played guitar. It was a steel guitar, red and silver, and where the strings were supposed to connect at the top, there was a blue light bulb that blinked. In the dream, I liked the guitar, because "it's a blues guitar". I dunno, its a dream. Anyway, I started singing along loudly, I really like that song, even if I don't know all the words, and I took Cubby's picture that is framed, and hugged it and cried. I cried in the dream, because I miss Cubby, and wish he was here. I cried in the dream because, even in the dream, Cubby had been euthanized almost two and a half years ago. I woke up, and cried. I'v had dreams of him before, all distinctly different. In one dream, he was alive, just had moved to another shelter, and I found him on accident, and he recognized me, and was happy to see me. In another one, I dreamt that it was all a practicle joke. I walked into the shelter, and there he was, even though he was supposed to have been pts. SUPRISE! I was very sad when I realized that that was just a dream, and he really is dead. That one might have actually been a daydream/delusional moment brought on by a peice of orange fur I found on the floor, I can't remember. In one dream I had about him, I found him again, and again, failed to save him. I had to euthanize him again in this dream, knowing I had already failed him once, and I hoped that he could forgive me again,and that he would come back again, and give me another chance in the future. Th main difference between those dreams and this one is that in all the other dreams, Cubby was alive, in atleast part of the dream. This is the first time that I have had a dream that really accepted that he is gone. It seems time dulls the edge of all wounds, even if we don't want it to.