Ask just about anyone, and they will agree, I am definately atleast a little crazy. But when I think of my general mental health now, compared to how it used to be, now it is so much better. There is a girl at the farm that takes lessons, and she reminds me a lot of me. I don't know what she does theraputic riding for, exactly what her problem is, but I know that if she has the issues that I had/have, she has a long rode ahead of her. I want to savce her from the work, which I can't. I used to hide in myself, because I was sure that no one could like me. So if I never did anything, never said anything, then I someone would have to like me, because I wasn't giving anyone a reason not to. I was so meek. Last night at the farm I had to bring a horse out to his field, and because it was dark, and a way from the barn, the teacher sent another volunteer with me. This guy, who I really haven't spoken with. Ya know, he's real quiet, and I'm real shy. So anyway, its like a 5 min walk each way. And he asked me a question, and I just started talking. And it was easier than it used to be. Originally I would have just been real quiet and evasive. And then I started trying to speak to people. It took a long time, and I'm not miss social butterfly who could carry on a convo with a wall without a problem, but its a lot easier than it used to be. And I find a lot of myself slipping through almost immediately. Just sort of telling them Hi heres how I am. Sorry if you don't like me because of it. I needed someone to like me, someone to love me, for me to like and love me. And I am beginning to think its possible. Maybe I'm not so terrible after all. I am far from perfect, but am I the worst person in the world? I'm beginning to think, maybe not. And its a start, a step in the right direction. So cheers to being able talk to a cute guy, and cheers to a little bit of mental health. Woohoo. LOL

The farm is good. I like the farm. I like the people on the farm, and I like the horses. I like being able to work with the horses, and how nice everyone is. This evening I was told that I can come down and get some horsey love any time I want. I don't have to only come down when they have me on the volunteer schedule. Woohoo. I know "horsey love" may sound a bit odd, but Pthththtththtthh to all of you who think bad thoughts. Which is way cool. Means I can shoot down there on Wednesdays now, and on the weekends now that it will be staying light later. Ahhhh golly. It would seem the farm is about as addictive as the shelter is. I would love to be able to have a horse or two or a bunch some day. To take riding lessons and all that good stuff. Its something I have always wanted. Its rather far fetched though, I fear. Ah well, I will just have to continue to make sure I have places where I can go for some good, quality horse time. LOL