"Time's just a train, rolling down the track, every minute is a boxcar you don't get back..."

"...take a look around you.. It's all gonna change.. Whatever you see its never gonna stay the same..."

I was digging through some stuff, looking for my passport and some paper to write on.. and I came across old letters I had saved. Most of them from a long lost best friend. The person I went to Oregon to see this past summer. It had been so long since we had talked or written.. we were complete strangers to each other. She was still definatly herself. But me? Was I me? I know I was the me that I am, but did I at all resemble the me that I was? Its so strange to think of how time changes everything. What time can do to our dreams, to our friendships, to what we believe. Time changes everything, even what we expect and what we think might make us happy. What might make life livable. I feel like I still have so much to figure out, so much to change, but at the same time, I can't beleive that I may have to live another 50 years like this. Minute by minute, day by day, year by year... time just slips away... and as much as everything changes.. what if nothing gets better? Then what? When do I get to throw in the towel and call it quits? Why did I allow myself to turn into this, and why can't I get myself out of it now? What am I gonna do with 50 years of boxcars still to watch slip away... all alone, with nothing and no one to fill in the void?

Eeewwwwwwwwww and YUCK!!!

Ok, so I have this ... thing on my side. It's a skin tag I guess... only, its big. Like....probably an inch circumfrence. Most skin tags are only like... a millimeter high. Anyway, its in a wierd spot, and sometimes gets all twisted up and stuff. If it gets twisted around enough times, it looses circulation... and then turns all scary shades of purple and black. When it gets untwisted, and regains circulation, it regains its normally fleshy color, turns a little red, and then swells up and sticks out straight. (If I were a skinny minny, people would probably notice it through my clothes) Anyway, the thing doesn't really have a lot of feeling. I mean, I really have to squeeze it hard or dig my fingernails into it to feel anything. So being slightly obsessive, and a little concerned about this thing on my side, last night, I was poking at it with a cutical scissor. (This is where I get crazy and stupid to boot) So I'm wondering if I could cut it off. It looks kind of like a raisin, although a bit larger. and its attatched by this little bridge of skin. Its Weird. It looks kind of like this.. : ( )-o the big thing is me, the dash is the skin bridge, and the o is the thing. Anyway, the bridge part - has a lot of of sensation, more feeling than the rest of it. So I was thinking that I would try and cut the thing a little, and I would simply stop as soon as I could feel it. (Maybe the cutical scissors were really sharp). Anyway, So I start pressing into just a little bit of the top with the scissors. and next thing I know, I'v made a little cut.. and no feeling... so I just keep going! Then there's this little peice that I'v cut off!!! EEEEeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww So I'm squishing the little peice I cut off, and a little blood come out. So I look down at the thing on my side, and now its bleeding. OOPs. LOL It felt a little uncomfortable, but it still didn't really hurt. Ahhhhh this thing is scary, and I should probably have it looked at. Oh well, Just don't have the cash at this point to go to the DR. unless it gets really scary, like growing or gets infected or something.