I just read this book, in about two days. Its called Almost Lost. Its about a boy who practically goes over the edge, and his journey back. Its a true story, and the entire book is actually writings of what was said during his therapy sessions, and is written with his permission, by his therapist. IN the book is a lot of information on how negative thoughts and feelings are contagious, infectious, destructive, and how we make these feeling grow and grow and grow, and how to prevent that. It was a very good book, and I strongly suggest that anyone who has battled with depression, does battle with depression, or has a family member who battles with depression should read it.
I have been dreaming alot lately. Tossing and turning. The last three nights, I have actually pulled the fitted sheet off of my bed, right out from under me. Mydreams have been about people. About people with me, being my friends, loving me, as me. I am very lonely. There is a whole lot of no one in my life. I talk to people at work, and sometimes when I am online at home. But I don't have the normal friends and social calls that every average, normal person has. It makes me sad.

Ouchers, my neck hurts. I went to the fair yesterday, it was *shrug* alright I guess. I have this problem for some reason where I cry when I am at the fair. Actually, its more like, when I am at the fair, and see someone else having way too much fun. It starts as a chuckle and turns into my trying desperatly holding back tears. I am so envious of when other people have fun, it reminds me of how much fun I never have. My life is work... when I am not at work, I am at the farm volunteering, if I am not there, I am home. Doing a heck of a lot of nothing. I am home so much, you would think I would be able to keep my apartment clean, however, I honestly do almost nothing when I am home. I mean, I sit, with the computer on, and sort of stare off into space, sometimes talking to people on line, sometimes paying some attention to whats on tv, but thats about it. And thats what I do, all night long. I need to get a life. I need to have something to live for. I need to have fun, I need to do fun things. I need to not always be "the most responsible, mature, __yr old that __________ have ever seen". Blah.