:*( don't hit the excape button if you haven't saved what you want to post on here. :*( boohoo+

Ugh, I have to go to the doctor. I don't want to. I was good and actually called information and got the number. Thats a step in the right direction atleast. I still have to get around to actually calling them. Ha. I told myself back in December that if things weren't alright by Feb 1st, I would call... its now March 5th. Talk about procrastination. It hasn't been ok since July, I mean what can they tell me? I don't think they are going to chalk it up to stress. I am significantly less stressed now than I was, and I have been less stressed for a month now, long enough for my hair to stop falling out in clumps, so if it was stress, things should be better by now. I don't dare think of what it could be, I am too young for it to be the only thing I can think of. I dont' mean the whole "i am too young to be this old" bit, I mean, they say that people under certain ages almost never ever have it, or atleast this kind anyway, or a similar kind? I don't know. I just know that they aren't going to examine me and go "oh don't worry, its just from a lack of iron or donating too much blood or some such thing, and all you have to do is this or that and tada everything will be ok." Ok, so they might say that, or something similar, however, I just don't see it. Then I think of something that I heard once. Almost all ailments that adults suffer from are from neglect of themselves. From major procrastination to get little problems taken care of. I just have to call them. And go. But I don't think I can afford it if I have to go for any testing. I have no health insurance. Its $335 just to walk into the express care unit at the hospital and have my finger looked at. That guy didn't even do anything! I can't even imagine how much it will cost to have tests done. Jeepers.

I watch the news, there are terrorist attacks all over the place. And yet, while other people lilve in fear, unsafe leaving their home, unsafe staying in their home, I will go to the gym, go to work, go to the store, and go to the farm. I will sit and eat and ponder and read and worry, without anything overly significant to worry about. What right do I have to feel bad when others have it soo much worse.

i am going to be out of books before the end of the year I fear. I have read...3-4 books since i moved. Which to some people doesnt seem like alot, but thats in like a month. I seem to just be devouring them. I started volunteering at a farm that does theraputic riding tonight. I got to watch a class, which eased my fear of having to participate in one. And I got to groom some horses. Woohoo. And Weds night there will be an actual voliunteer orientation, in which we get to practice leading, side walking, and take turns being the rider. Ohhh scary. lol. I was so proud of myself when i picked my first hoof. lol I think I can get used to this barn work and working with horses... and its bound to be good for both my resume', and my physique *flexes a few muscles*