This is my last day off living in this house. Ohhh exciting.
The other night I was sitting in the living room with the dog that I am dogsitting. (I am staying at his house until his owner comes home, only come back to this house for visits and to pack on my day off) So I am reading and I finish the story I am on and start bawling. I mean I was crying during the end of the story and whatnot, but now I really start like out and out bawling that you only do when you know you are the only human in the building. And Cocoa (the dog) comes over and sits at my feet and rests his head on my lap. I lean over and sort of drape myself over/on him crying still. He licks me a little and just lets me hang off of him sobbing. And this is a dog that would have been euthanized at any other shelter. He is aggressive with men, and can be stubborn. But he let me hang all over him, and didn't even try to get away. His previous owners are actuaklly still angry and resentful of him, over two years later. Because he is a "bad and spiteful" dog. They thought he was completely untrainable and a bad apple. FUCK THEM! Cocoa is far from perfect, but he is a decent dog. As so many of my "hopeless" ones are. I can't name three people that I have taken that sort of tolerance from while "having a moment".
Monday, January 27, 2003
What Member of Spirit Creek Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"Family of Ducks Quack Quack Quack!!!"
Nice Ken I love it, and I am really tickled pink that duck was one of the choices for one of the answers for reasons that are completely odd and bizarre and have nothing at all to do with anything else really.
Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons... For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness...The above, in bold, is a bumpersticker that I saw today. I like it. On the same car was one that said "I am proud to be myself" I like that one too. Occasionally I see a movie that may or may not be a really good movie, but something that is said in the movie makes me think... sticks in my mind. I watched two movies the other night that both did that. At the moment though I am in thought overload and can't dig it out. :-/ A while ago, I saw the movie K-Pax. I think I liked it. At one point someone says that all people suffering from poor mental health have the ability to cure/heal themselves. Lol, Maybe this is part of the reason that I resist talking to a doctor. I think people who are suffering from an actual "mental illness" are not able to cure themselves. If its a chemical imbalance, then it would need to be treated and usually ... uhh.. I forgot the word.. I just had it... ah yes.... maintained with medication to get/keep the chemicals in balance. However, if its not an illness that a person has, but a mental wound or damage instead, then they can possess the ability to heal themselves. Problem numero uno with wounds... in order for them to heal, they have to be cleaned, and that usually hurts as bad as the original wound itself. This is no different with a mental wound. You have to work through the pain, come to terms with it, and then let it go, occassionally rechecking it to make sure its not getting infected and festering behind a bandage or brick wall of fake happy thoughts. Its a lot of work, and a mighty lonely job when there isn't someone to love you through the process. And I think it can take fucking years. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to fix it. And I never know if I am getting anywhere, or just making it up. I am reasonably decent at making things up as I go along, based on what I know. I do this at work with my job all the time. Someone is having a problem or if I am on the radio show, I just draw on what I know about the animals to invent a possible answer. It works pretty well. I know far less about psychology than I do about animals though. I took a 1 symester high school psych class, and the first thing they told us was that we were in no way qualified to give anyone any kind of psychological help or advice or try to diagnose people. LOL I figured the worst I can do though is dig my own hole a little deeper by trying to dig myself out. The problem is that ever person and every decision that person makes affects so many other people, and so many other decisions. But that is a ramble for another time.
I am dogsitting this week, which means I have lots of time in a quiet house with just a dog and my own thoughts. And I am also moving this week and next, so I may not be around much. Lol, I will be sneaking off to the library to ramble in this whenever my thoughts are completely overwhelming.
Use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness...The above, in bold, is a bumpersticker that I saw today. I like it. On the same car was one that said "I am proud to be myself" I like that one too. Occasionally I see a movie that may or may not be a really good movie, but something that is said in the movie makes me think... sticks in my mind. I watched two movies the other night that both did that. At the moment though I am in thought overload and can't dig it out. :-/ A while ago, I saw the movie K-Pax. I think I liked it. At one point someone says that all people suffering from poor mental health have the ability to cure/heal themselves. Lol, Maybe this is part of the reason that I resist talking to a doctor. I think people who are suffering from an actual "mental illness" are not able to cure themselves. If its a chemical imbalance, then it would need to be treated and usually ... uhh.. I forgot the word.. I just had it... ah yes.... maintained with medication to get/keep the chemicals in balance. However, if its not an illness that a person has, but a mental wound or damage instead, then they can possess the ability to heal themselves. Problem numero uno with wounds... in order for them to heal, they have to be cleaned, and that usually hurts as bad as the original wound itself. This is no different with a mental wound. You have to work through the pain, come to terms with it, and then let it go, occassionally rechecking it to make sure its not getting infected and festering behind a bandage or brick wall of fake happy thoughts. Its a lot of work, and a mighty lonely job when there isn't someone to love you through the process. And I think it can take fucking years. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to fix it. And I never know if I am getting anywhere, or just making it up. I am reasonably decent at making things up as I go along, based on what I know. I do this at work with my job all the time. Someone is having a problem or if I am on the radio show, I just draw on what I know about the animals to invent a possible answer. It works pretty well. I know far less about psychology than I do about animals though. I took a 1 symester high school psych class, and the first thing they told us was that we were in no way qualified to give anyone any kind of psychological help or advice or try to diagnose people. LOL I figured the worst I can do though is dig my own hole a little deeper by trying to dig myself out. The problem is that ever person and every decision that person makes affects so many other people, and so many other decisions. But that is a ramble for another time.
I am dogsitting this week, which means I have lots of time in a quiet house with just a dog and my own thoughts. And I am also moving this week and next, so I may not be around much. Lol, I will be sneaking off to the library to ramble in this whenever my thoughts are completely overwhelming.
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