Is it really THAT bad?

It sound's strange, but I think life is easier to live when your depressed and suicidal. Atleast, it is once your there and able to tolerate it, as compared to if you get out of that state, and are sitting there going, ok, so now what do I do, think, feel? Life seems far too long to actually live it. This guy that I knew from school, and I know his younger brother, shot himself in the head not too long ago. When I heard, I was going back and forth between thinking, I wonder what pushed him over the edge, and wondering why I didn't have the guts to just go for it already. My heart goes out so much for him, and for his brother. This is 3 people I'v known in the last couple years that have killed themselves. There is this guy that comes into my aunt's restaurant, who's in really poor health. Like 400 lbs, insulin dependant diabetic, and just eats everything he wants. He told her that if he had known he was going to live so long, he would have taken better care of himself. I think I'm kind of in that same boat. Why do the necessary things if I'm hopefully just going to die soon. Then I won't have to worry about it. But, this is after 3 yrs of thinking like this, I realize, the out isn't nearly as fast and easy as I was hoping. There is just too much to consider. I just want a magic wand to make everything ok, on the outside and on the inside. Another 50 yrs is just too long to be fighting this, thinking like this, living like this.