Tonight we have another meeting with the town zoning board to see if we will be able to get the variance we requested at work. Heres hoping. We definately need a new building, and its going to be a real pisser if we are denied the variance and have to start again after finding somewhere else to try and build.

I miss my dog. My life right now would be a hell of a lot more difficult if I had him, but I wonder if the difficulty would be balanced out. When I first got my cat, he was very difficult also. I was getting up a half hour early every morning for school so that I could make sure I had enough time to take care of him. At that point my morning routine usually consisted of dragging myself out of bed, putting on clothing (if i hadn't slept in clothes I could wear to school) and then brushing my teeth and leaving. It usually only took me about 5 minutes to get out the door. Lol. So it was a big change.
Granted, the dog would be a heck of a lot more work than the cat was. I'd have to walk him atleast once a day (would be great for my waistline lol), feed him twice a day, make time for training daily, make sure he wasn't eating the cats, rabbit, guinea pig, my aunt, my cousin(s), or visitors. I would always have to be the one to care for him because there was a chance he might bite someone else if I couldn't get to it. I would not feel safe ever leaving him home with my family. They just didn't understand his limitions, and didn't have the bond with him that I did to be pretty sure that they wouldn't receive an actual bite if they did cross his threshold. I know I made the right choice for my family, and for my future, and for my cat, but I still feel it was very selfish of me to not choose him. Because I could have chosen him instead. I had pretty much come to terms with it when I first realized that I wouldn't be able to save him, however, then people kept finding ways that would have made it possible for me to keep him... and I chose to have him killed instead. Ouch. It is a choice that lays heavy on my heart even now, two months later. I try desperatly not to regret my choice, but I wonder, if I had to do it all over again, with the same dog, and the same choice, would I? The last two months haven't been as hard as I was afraid they would be. I thought for sure I would be so down and in the pits, and quite frankly on my way out. I spent the eniter summer afraid of how I was going to feel afterwards. And now there is nothing. Nothing like waiting for the blow that doesn't come. I'm so confused. I want to dwell on it, feel the hurt so vividly, and yet I want to be oh so stoic, and not feel it at all, and be happy and content... maybe its time for some prozac. Lol. Oh well, for now I keep on plugging.