I was thinking about the offer that my cousin gave me to move in with her and her fiance' and a mutual aquantince sometime over the summer. At first I said yes. I like to have a lot of time to think things over really thouroughly, because I need time to consider all of thge pro's and cons and such. I didn't really have that chance, as I was on the phone with her and she sort of suprised me. And at first I thought that I was pretty sure that thats what I wanted. Now I am not so sure. I liek to be able to come home to my cat being happy to see me, and getting up ion my lap, to the peace that I know I will have.. or atleast sometimes to the wanting and liking, not sometimes to the having, to having my own mailbox, that no one else is going to touch, and so I am the only one who will loose my mail. To having my mess and only my mess to look at, and to clean. To only having my own phone fcalls to answer or return, and not to have to deal with anyone else taking or not taking messages, or loosing the phone. Or leaving lights on. Or having the TV on too loud. Or having people over when I am too tired to change and be presentable. Only my own guests to keep me up at night when I have to work the next morning. Life with them, back in that house, means... more space to move. A shower big enough to shave my legs in, a bath tub if I want to take a bath. A quieter neighborhood. A nice place to take relaxing walks before or after dark. Here there is so much traffic, and so many street lights, the walk wouldnt be any fun, and would be significantly more dangerous. To have more than 200 sq ft. of room to move around, and for Freddie top have more room to move around inside, plus a nice yard outside. It also means much more social interactions. To get to be included more often, even if it only by default. It also however means, parties on nights when I have to work in the morning. Lots of visitors. Having other people have a lot of access to Freddie. Having people loose my mail. Or wake me up. Or interrupt me on the phone. It means having other people take messages for me, and me having to take messages for other people. It also means having other peoples dishes to do, and other people's mess to clean up. And other people to check with if I plan on doing something in the house. It also means less bills (all utilities included except heat), and less rent (by $125 a month). It also means a lot of things. It means moving back into that house that I dreamed day and night every day since I was 8 of leaving. It wouild be different and better, but I fear I am like my mother in my avoidance of places that have bad memories. If my cousin was to call me today and tell me that her mom isn't going to move out after all, I dopn't think I would be sad. If my aunt does move, and the house is for rent, will I still agree to move in? I am not sure. My cousing and I were supposed to talk last week sometime to discuss some of the details, but she never called me again. And I am in no rush. May things look different to me in another month or two? Of course. I may be turning myself inside out for human companionship by then. Right now I am ok because I just had a fix on Friday. But only time will tell for now...