I'v been waking up sad the last..... few days..... maybe into the last week or two. Thats how it starts, I find myself sad when I wake up, and then it continues to follow me into the rest of the day. Then it starts waking me up randomly in the early early morning, between 2:30 and 5:30, just wake up crying, depressed. Waiting and hoping morning will come soon so I can get up and be active and pretend to forget about it. Then I won't be able to drive without crying. And then I will be depressed everytime I am not immediately doing something else, smiling, pretending to be ok. Thats where the cycle goes. I'm not really sure how to prevent it, how to stop it in the phase its in, how to reverse it, or skip ahead to the being numb and being "ok" part. How to skip all the bad steps in between. I don't know what it is that has me waking up sad. I just know that when my alarm clock goes off, and I get up and am brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and doing whatever it is that I do before going to work, I am sad. I guess I have a lot more soul searching to do before everything is really completely and totally hunky dory and dandy. Just down right ducky. Maybe real people never actually get to that part. But I think, I think, I believe that there are people who don't do this. Who are ok almost constantly. And I think that those people are actually the rule, not the exception. But I'm not sure. And I don't know how to find out. And even if I did find out, what would that mean? Probably nothing. Then I would just know for a fact that I am screwed up instead of normal, which is simply an opinion, a belief instead of a fact at this point.