Lets slim down.... one last time

On Friday, I joined Weight Watchers. My hope is that I will lose a ton of weight, in a healthy way... for the last time. Fat... one of the things you hope to lose and never find again lol. So I am trying again, after letting myself regain what I lost last time I tried, and then some. Some moments it is really easy, other moments I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out what to eat. The hard part is that I lack motivation. Last time, I was head over heals in love with someone, and decided that I had to lose weight for them to love me... it helped sooooo much. When that love went wrong... all my motivation disappeared, and I blew up like a blimp. This time I'm doing it because I want to, I know I need to, but still, there isn't enough motivation, so I'm pretty concerned that it isn't going to last, isn't going to stick. Also, on www.postsecret.com, or maybe in the book, there was a secret that someone was afraid that if they lost weight, they would have to deal with their fear of men... I didn't send in that secret, but I could have. Part of my reason to lose weight is so that I might have half a chance to get into a relationship, but then I remember that I'm terrified of that, so best case scenario, those two things simply cancel each other out in motivational factors. Lol, I almost wish that there was some kind "honesty" dating service... where someone would pair me up with a guy who doesn't mind a fatty mcfatty, and where I could go to the first date and say "Hi, how are you, I'm totally terrified". Then that would be off the table, and I wouldn't have to pretend that I am more socially adept, or less nervous than I would actually be. Then he would tell me something similar, and we would both feel better and live happily ever after. Ok, so thats jumping ahead a bit, but this is all make believe anyway, because even if there was such a service like that... I'm too much of a chicken shit to call them lol.Goodness gracious I'm one broken son of a gun. lol
On another note, I saw a long lost chatfriend online last night. He IM'd me and it totally made my night. I know enough about myself to know that if we talk on a regular basis, and he's as nice as he was last night, I will totally fall for him, and that might not be good, because ya know, its the internet, and we are so far apart, and we don't really know each other. But it was nice to feel the flutter of butterfly's when I think about talking to him. So, thats about it. Once I lose a bunch of weight, I will post my starting weight... but I'm still at the start so I can't do it yet.