4 more lbs gone! Woohoo. Lol the only thing is that on days I'm not at the gym, I am supposed to be doing something else, walking of course would be the natural choice. Problem is that for me walking = emotional torment = emotional exhaustion. It can't be good for me to go through that 4 times a week. Lol. When I had the dog, we could go on these nice long walk/jogs, and I would be ok, because I was focusing on keeping up with him, my Cubby dog. He kept me ok. Its.... something. The day that the dog was euthanized, everyone checked up on me. I mean, my aunt, my boss, my friends from work, friends outside of work. And that day, that day I was ok, well as ok as I could have been, and didn't want to talk about it, or deal with it. I didn't want to cry on anybodies shoulder, or call anyone in the middle of the night because the walls had come closing in. And everyone told me it was ok to be sad, and I just wanted to think of something else, or not to think at all. To just sit there, and allow something else to occupy my mind. To allow myself to be completely blank. A week passed, and I was hit with a real twinge of how I missed him. Now, 2 months later, and I'm sitting here wondering if it is still ok to be sad. It was ok to be sad before, but no one told me it was ok to just be numb. Now its all over, and i am sad, and no body will get it. Lol talk about procrastination huh? I mean who waites two months to grieve, especially over a dog that wasn't technically theirs? Its a lot of guilt I cope with at this point. The decision I made was selfish. And you can say that I had a right to choose me over him, and that there were a lot of unselfish, logical reasons why I made the right choice. But when it comes down to the direct truth, all of those reasons don't really count. The only reason why they exist is so I don't feel as guilty.
Oiy complete and total distraction, blah I am done.