The girl walks up to the shelter, covered in snow, the water has begun to seap through her combat boots and her socks, and her two paris of pants. She stops half way across the parking lot, and looks at the sky, not ready to face the looks she will recieve from the people in the building. Not ready to appear ok yet. She takes a moment, and goes over to the fence where there are three dogs playing together in the yard. The girl sticks her arm through the fence, and pets the dogs, a pair of brothers on their last morning together, and a long term resident of the shelter whose time is running out. Finally she decides she is ready to go inside. Approaching the door, she takes her hair down and shakes out the snow. She puts her gloves in her pockets, and dusts all of the snow and ice off of her jacket and boots. She paints on a smile and opens the door.
"Hello," she says to the manager who peeks up from the computer.
"Wow, Megen is like the postal service, not rain or sleet, or snow or sun, or even a busted car on her day off will stop her from showing up," the manager says with a grin.
Megen, the girl, chuckles and shrugs off her backpack and walkman in the next room.
"So," Megen inquires jokingly,"I want to know who won the pool and how much it was on how long it was going to take me before I started coming in regularly on my days off again".
They all just sort of laugh a little and don't respond. Megen decides not to mention how empty the bike path would be and how beautiful her long gone dog would look with the snow. The other people might not understand, and she doesn't want them to know how much she still hurts. Instead she makes up some excuse about having a broken car and having to go the gym, and how the shelter being so close is the next logical step, because the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. She thinks she might take a dog for a walk on the bike path, but her legs are tired, and she might have a 3 mile walk ahead of her still, and she just doesn't feel up to spending time with another dog today. She wants her dog. The dog she lost. The dog she decided not to save 2 months ago. Instead she makes herself busy trying to help a cat that needs some extra attention....

Ok, so that was yesterday. I missed him so much, the bike path would have been empty. I could have attached him to the 30ft. training lead, and jogged along after him. He would have been beautiful in the falling snow. And I wanted to say something to them, the other people at the shelter, about my pain, because thats what you do with friends. You tell them when your hurting. And thats how I think of the people I work with. I love them a bunch. But I couldn't share my pain. Never let the enemy know when you are wounded. And in this matter, unfortunatly, they seem to have to assume the position of the enemy.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this pain will end at some point. I won't miss him so much anymore. Another animal will take his place. And yet I don't want to let it go... blah