Feb. 16 came and went, and I didn't really notice. Feb 16th marks the 5th month since Cubby. I still have his picture framed, and actually on top of my computer monitor. I still have moments when I think "Oh wait, maybe it was some trick, some dream, maybe he really is ok." I still have times when I get very sad, and feel very confused about it all. But the 16th came and went, and it wasn't an event. It was nothing other than any other ordinary day. I thought of him no more than I do on a day to day basis. I didn't forget, I just didn't notice. I forgot that this had happened one other time, or atleast something vaguely similar. It was again with an "aggressive" dog at work. Rather different personatlity though. She didn't really like strangers, and was timid, rather than being over protective and trying to be dominant. Her name was Rocky. Well, she ended up biting me in a dog fight, and then had to be quarantined for 2 weeks. The week that she got off quarrentine, I didn't work because I had something to do at school. I came in the following week, and noticed she was gone. My first assumption was she had been euthanized. I burst into tears, we are talking hysterical sobbing. (I was 16 or 17 and had a lot of shit going on) I ran into the back and checked the files, and it turned out she had been adopted instead. I still spent the rest of the day crying. Lol. I mourned her for about two weeks good and proper, and then I think I was ok. Humans have this remarkable thing in thei wiring that doesn't allow us to accurately remember pain, either physical or emotional. It is this that allows us to have multiple children, and to have relationships with any other being without killing ourselves. LOL Point being, that I don't remember how long I missed her for, how long before I was completely over her. How long before I could think of her, and not think of my own loss. I understand that this is different because of the Cubby is dead, and Rocky simply got a nice home, and because this time, the choice was mine, where last time it wasn't, but thats besides the point. 4 months is a long time to dwell in the animal sheltering world. But I didn't share my dwelling (atleast I attempted to hide it, albiet not always completely successfully) with my fellow coworkers, or really anyone exactly. I obviously didn't exactly keep it to myself, as is evident by all of the freaking times I wrote about it on here, howeverm I never really hashed it out with anyone the way I really wanted too. The way I yearned too. I wanted to share, because that would make me more human, and because you share your pain with those you love and are close too, so why wouldn't I? Just a glitch in my wiring I guess. And what really sucks, I know, at some point, I will do this again, and again, and yes, probably again. There is no good way to avoid it. You just have go through it, be in pain, forget about it, and then the cycle starts again. Damn life is a bitch and then you die. Jeepers.