I am reading this book, which is pretty good. Anyway, in the book, at one point it says something to the effect of "Its hard to let yourself love what you know you may never have". I feel so sad. I just want to hide under the bed and cry, and cry and cry some more. And I am not sure why. I am being worn down at work again, it seems to be a spring affliction for me for some reason. I want someone to make the pain go away. I don't want to cry any more right now. Although crying is not worse than not being able too. I am feeling overwhelmed from work beccause it is conflicting. I want to help and give the animals the benefit of the doubt, and give the people who come in the benefit of the doubt, but when your wrong, your oh so very wrong, and it sucks. On the other hand, if you don't give everyone the benefit of the doubt, everyone suffers. Animals get put to sleep, and miss out on their chance for a home. I wish there was a right answer. I am so tired for now. I want some time off, I need a break. But I jsut have to take it one day at a time, becuase I know that I will be ok again in a llittle while, if I just keep plugging along. If I don't think of the never ending-ness of it, then it is easier to deal with all of the little bits. Its also scary because now that we have been turned down yet again by the town, one of the options on the horizon is closing down. Letting the money run out, or giving all of the money to the ASPCA and justr closing the doors. Getting rid of the animals we have through any means necessary, and leaving it all behind. Because how can we operate if we don't have a building? And the town has made it just about impossible for us to get a new building, and the one we are currently in is no good for the animals or the staff. Closing down is of course a last option, and *probably* won't happen, but its scary to think that the board of directors is actually considering that as a plan. For me it could be a blessing or a curse. I am adicted to the place, and have been pretty much guaranteed that I won't get fired unless I really really fuck up majorly. Which means that its going to take some pretty amazing feats to get me to leave the shelter. The shelter closing would do it very effectively. On the other hand, I would then loose the job that I have been at for the last 5 yrs, and the one thing I think I am clearly qualified to do. Which would suck. Maybe I could find a better job that I would be happier at if I didn't work at the shelter, but that remains to be seen. And I know its silly to worry about it, because it probably woin't happen, but still.