Ok, so its not my favorite quiz ever, but oh well. Lol I think I still have the new years resolution saved somewhere.. maybe its just about time for me to take that one again, wonder if it will be any different this time around. Oiy. Ok, so we have all heard that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree right? Which basically means that if the kid is a jerk, the parents are jerks too. And we all know that many things are are hereditary, such as looks and diseases and such. Alcoholism is one of the many things that they say is somewhat hereditary. Meaning that there may not be an actual genetic code that produces an alcoholic, but that if your parent (s) are, than you probably have an addictive personality, and therefore should be more wary about abusing substances yourself.
I never heard anything about work-a-holics though. I mean, I have spent my life being wary of drugs, cigaretts, alcohol, and unplanned children, because I know my mom had had a problem with all of the atleast at one point in her life, which is part of the reason that she is/was not happy. I never realized though that I would pick up my family's working habits. Falling for a job that you like, but where you work yourself to the bone, deal with other people's bullshit (but then again what job doesn't have that), and make piss poor money/benefits. *shrugs* I like to think that I will not be a work-a-holic if I have something else to focus on. I remember when I was literally living for work. I mean, honestly, thats what made me stay in RI, and thats what helped keep me alive when I finally lost all logic and began to wonder exaclty when I would stop caring completely. After all, I couldn't leave them stranded at work could I? Its scary to think of how bad it can get/ has gotten/ could get again.
You know how to tell a person who is/has been suicidal, from a person who never has been? Its easy. A person who has never been there asks why a suicidal person doesn't just ask for help. Because, you know, its that easy, all you have to do is ask. They don't know that to ask for help is impossible. Or that you will feel cheated somehow if you are "fixed" with medication. For some people medication is great. My mom is always on meds. There are times when she even is taking like 3 times the normal dose to get through. She knows that this is the only way, because she does have a clear chemical imbalance. Thats a terrifying thing, hearing your mother, the only one who makes it safe to come home, say that she just wants to shoot herself in the head. Its mighty scary when the "grown ups" loose control. I was about 15 when I heard her say that. I was in my room, and she was just outside the door, which was nothing more than a blanket. She either didn't know I was there, or thought I was sleeping. Either way, I just layed there and cried silently. I waited another hour before I dared to leave my room, so that she never knew I had heard.

I wish I could just take all of the pain in the world, and stick it in a bottle, and swallow it whole. Let no one hurt any more, no one be sad, and no one be suicidal. I want to be SuperMeg *strikes the up up and away pose*, and save them all. Will I ever stop wanting to save them all? No, probably not. It has taken me a long time to realize that I can't, and to possibly come to terms with it. Lol although sometimes when I am not paying attention, it comes around and bites me in the ass again. Makes me feel jaded though. I wonder what happened to the person who would cry every time anyone else cried. Now sometimes I have to work just to get tears to come. Much more of an angry cry now. Instead of a sad, broken hearted crying. Blah.


Which Buffy Alter Ego Are You?
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